February 6, 2010
Family life coordinator hopes to provide tools for strong marriages
By Denise MacLachlan
Herald staff
Jennifer Collins, family life and catechesis program coordinator for the diocese, looks forward to building programs that support marriages and families in all stages of development. Luis Gris/Herald photo
Jennifer Collins believes in taking care of marriages.
The church is the body of Christ, she said and that body is made up of families. Everyone comes from a family and marriage is the heart of the family.
“Every child learns what love is and learns how to love by watching the marriage at the heart of their family,” said Collins, new family life and catechesis program coordinator for the Sacramento Diocese. Children express love in the world as they learn it from loving and being loved by the couple in that marriage, and from seeing that husband and wife love each other, she said.
“So taking care of marriage is pretty important,” she said. Then, quoting the late Pope John Paul II, she added, “Because ‘as the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.’”
Collins is dedicated to supporting marriages and families. Energetic and perceptive, she dove into her ministry when she began her new position on Jan. 4. She’s been reviewing materials used in diocesan marriage preparation programs, meeting program presenters, gathering information about how marriage preparation functions in each of the diocese’s 104 parishes, and traveling to meet parishioners in locations across the diocese. She’s also continuing her studies for a masters’ degree in education, with an emphasis in catechesis, at the University of Sacramento.
She’d considered becoming a therapist and holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from California State University, Sacramento. But instead of doing graduate work in psychology, Collins found herself drawn to theology, philosophy and catechesis. The church’s teaching on marriage and family provided a satisfying context for her studies in psychology.
Of her studies at the University of Sacramento, Collins told The Herald, “I just fell in love with it — the classes, the students, the topics, and the Lord. I loved all of it. Working in catechesis is where I was meant to be.”
A member of St. Rose of Lima Parish in Roseville, where her parents and three sisters are also parishioners, Collins grew up involved in parish ministries. She spent three years in Australia when her father’s work took the family overseas for a time, but returned with her family to her home parish when she finished secondary school.
After returning to California and entering college, Collins found herself increasingly restless, wanting to go on to the next stage in her spiritual development but not quite knowing what that was. That hunger to deepen her faith life led to her graduate studies, she said. And it’s made her even more aware of gaps in faith formation and development opportunities for others.
Catholics have the ideal of lifelong faith formation, Collins noted, but somehow the family, and marriage itself, often get edged out of parish programs.
“We’re pretty good at getting people prepared for marriage, and we’re good at getting children prepared for their sacraments, but there is an important time in life when things get very busy — with kids and kids’ schedules — and we could do better there, helping the people in that marriage and in that family to grow,” she said.
That’s her plan for the not-too-distant future. Right now, Collins is focused on nurturing the seed that grows those families: the new marriage itself.
When a couple announces their engagement to their pastor and asks to be married in the church, Collins explained, the first part of the process is gathering paperwork and settling questions to do with canon law: Are both partners Catholic, has someone been divorced, do both parties have copies of their baptismal certificates? Sometimes when answering these questions, important issues come up, but often this part of the process is fairly dry.
But the next part of the process, she said, has to do with understanding the vocation of a sacramental marriage and becoming able to live that vocation. The conversations that arise during this part of the process involve theology but they also involve very practical matters, such as how people manage money differently and how people with different budgeting philosophies and habits can live happily ever after.
“The marriage preparation programs don’t tell people how to do things, such as budgeting, but they do inform the couples and get them started talking about practical things,” Collins noted. “People first in love tend to want to talk about other things,” she said with a smile.
Marriage preparation programs in the diocese present material on topics such as Christian spirituality, sexuality, finances, intimacy and communication, and child rearing, as well as an overview of Natural Family Planning. The engaged couples talk over these topics in the program sessions, but the conversations continue long after the sessions end, Collins said.
The programs that work especially well are the ones that foster community, she said, so that the conversations continue not only between the husband and wife but also among the couples after they marry. When engaged couples from neighboring parishes meet for marriage preparation, they often stay friends after their weddings, helping each other over rough spots in their marriages and creating the fellowship that sustains the couples as they grow.
The same kind of dynamic is often at work in the parish-based programs that meet in a parishioner’s home or in the parish setting. Engaged couples can find themselves mentored during the program by an older couple with more experience in marriage. Friendships and fellowship often spring from those experiences, too.
The marriage preparation programs nurture the new marriage, Collins noted, and nurturing that marriage in a community further strengthens the marriage and strengthens the family. The Catholic community must always invite new couples into fellowship, she said, to help support and foster their Catholic faith and their vocation as married people.
“As a church, we respect marriage, and we do everything we can — we do our best — to assist people in their vocation,” Collins said. “The love between a husband and wife is the foundation of our entire community.”
To do before you say, ‘I do’
Requirements for engaged couples planning to celebrate the sacrament of marriage in the Diocese of Sacramento:
• Contact the pastor at the engaged couple’s home parish at least six months before the anticipated wedding date.
• Participate in an assessment process.
The couple is interviewed by the pastor, who also gives them a questionnaire or inventory tool to complete. Diocesan-approved inventories are FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding, and Study), PREPARE/ENRICH, and PMI (Pre-Marital Inventory).
• Address special circumstances.
The couple discusses with the pastor any of the following circumstances: any engaged person who is under the age of 20; a pregnancy is involved; the engaged couple is living together; one engaged person is not Catholic; either engaged person has been married before; the couple is legally married and wishes to have the marriage convalidated by the Catholic Church.
• Gather the necessary documentation.
The pastor also asks the couple to bring in the following documents: the couple’s baptismal certificates; two letters of freedom (a form filled out by two witnesses on behalf of each engaged person); two pre-nuptial inquiries (a form completed by each engaged person, answering queries about their freedom to marry and their views on Christian marriage); a state of California marriage certificate; the couple’s confirmation certificates; permission for a mixed marriage (for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic Christian; petition for dispensation for disparity of worship (for a Catholic to marry a non-Christian).
• Take note about marrying in a special place, or inviting a special person to officiate.
Marriage preparation and weddings usually take place in the couple’s home parish. For exceptions, contact the diocese’s family life and catechesis program coordinator at (916) 733-0153. If a visiting priest or deacon is to officiate at the wedding, contact the parish where the wedding will take place.
• Attend a marriage preparation program.
The couple completes a marriage preparation program no later than two months before the wedding date. Diocesan-approved programs include Evenings for the Engaged (six sessions over six weeks in the home of a married couple who serve as the group facilitator); Pre-Cana (an eight-hour program held at the Diocesan Pastoral Center in Sacramento or at a parish); Engaged Encounter (a weekend retreat program, usually held at Christ the King Passionist Retreat Center in Citrus Heights); and Commuter Weekend Experience (a weekend program held at a designated parish site with engaged couples from nearby parishes).
• Learn about Natural Family Planning.
The couple participates in an overview session on Natural Family Planning and is encouraged to learn how to use Natural Family Planning in their married life. All of the diocesan-approved marriage preparation programs include this overview.
• Celebrate the sacraments.
In preparation for the sacrament of marriage, engaged couples are expected to celebrate the sacrament of reconciliation regularly and the sacrament of Eucharist on Sundays.
• Prepare the marriage liturgy
Help plan the readings and music for the wedding. Guidelines and planners are available at parishes.
• Check with your parish for any additional requirements.
—Denise MacLachlan
